Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
