No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
