dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
