i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
