forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
