we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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