saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
