I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
