She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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