no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
