So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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