I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
