i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
