The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
