I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
