So drunk its hurt
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
worst night to have a conscience
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
