HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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