who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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