____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
