dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
