Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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