her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
