i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
