every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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