dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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