...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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