on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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