Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
