Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
