is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
