Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
