good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
