Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
