all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
