i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthdayâ€
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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