And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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