Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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