i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
