Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
