Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
