How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
