Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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