Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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