the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
