Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
