THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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