Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
