were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
