so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
