just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
