you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
