just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
