it's too hot outside to masturbate.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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