we have pet lesbian snakes
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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