Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
