He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
