i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
