in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
